Memories of one Jamaa

 Location : Somewhere in Nairobi KE 
When : 1996-2001 AD.
 Music -Soul 90’s: illusion  and  Sit and wait
present :  Kip, Kevo , Kim ,Nicko,Roba

Sijui if this things still happen ama its changed now ..i.e the life of nairobi  The way we used to deal with it kitambos .yaani the things we did would clearly deserve an nobel peace price. for jamaas who had  roots  in nakuru like myself and other intoxicated nairobians ….maze we would shika trips to – Coco Savannah Nakuru @ 7pm . those day there were no accidents on that road then like there are today.

talking of pubs in nairobi and the things we did in those places the likes of Modern Green ju they had 20 bob langas.. then one Afro bar. its was dinghy joint near Jevanjee that never had doors( coz it never closed!!)!! my  buddy.. who was in some famous  school  along  waiyaki way (lol)nairobi was  giving me this saga oof how back then in their school guys used to skive to go to modern green one day boys brought a langa to school at midnight only to be busted at the gate. the ka teacher on duty chukuad the mama and told the boys they have been forgiven. and he preceded to Kula the chick-d himself hukos kwa staffroom.. lol

I remember when mercury and princess were the places to meet guys after 4th. Anyone remembers a bar called Kinangop next to Princess that had bone soup boiled with Warus and pilipili. The concortion was used for killing hangy’s on Sunday and/or Monday Mornings.But I swear if medics studied it further it could probably cure tons of uncurable diseases included Mental retardation and epilepsy!

Florida…F2 !!there was a time you couldn’t go to the loos in F2. oboho’s used to chill in there and chotesha guys. I can show you enough boys who were chotwad when they fikad f2. it didn’t matter if you were wearing fake sneakers. hata fake chains and earrings.the good news was that it It was State of art joint and most convenient heng for people who relied on first Kenya bus 5am to go digs in the morning.( me and other thousands of nairobia jamaas!)

Coming to think of it who will ever forget the grand services of Munyiri’s Fish & chips and Luthuli this joint had the Best chibas to kill a hangi, mafuta was recycled so many times it had no cholesterol left. The chili sauce was so diluted you just used it to cool your chibas . The chibas especially Luthuli ones were mob. !maze!! the only beef is you would not remember where you packed the “racks” kwanza if it 2 am and you are with a bunch of drunk kenyans….

Then one your way to the club there was Kenchic and blueroom   two major kenchics one one kimathi street karibu na tacos.. and one huko in moi avenue  towards  Tsc Building…. .. ukizidi sana you would peleka her  to wimpy and she was yours for keeps!!si this were the Two first places to take a mama and be almost assured she will go pantiless by sunrise the next day…..


now the mutha of all places Nairobi west bars! akina Jeans and their never ending patrons!!.. kwanza the nyamchom was to die for.maze in my ka opinion ..Nairobi West was the coolest joint in nai cuz..

1- Fare CBD was ksh 10/= for 15 years
2- Within proximity of both south c -south b highrise,ngummo via 33’s also proximity to langata .
3- k2 was right there walking distance when you broke also kengeles west.
4- Mats never kosad you chuck from digz at7.30am fika tao by 7.45 a.m even with worst traffic on UH.
5 No 14’s were never hijacked. Queue @Tusker was always without hustle.
5 -You could stay late in CBD and a taxi would be Ksh 250/= at most.
6 -In the early 2000’s you would ride the Karen -langata n KBS metro shuttle which always had some other FLY chilles .The catch was that you had to pay 3 times the kawaida fare ( ksh 30 /=) but the beauty of those girls was worth the 30 bob!
7 – the kinyozis in westy that never closed till 12am .There was one kamba guy called Mutuko, guys would chill for this guy for 2hours just to get their Groove on.

Rugby !!!


 kina damu pevu ,floodies.. Black rock safari sevens  and all the tornas.. yaani everyone attended including those who never knew anything about it..!! Some  pumbavu  soccer fans wondered why the goal posts were different!!!kumbaff!

all in all ..blackrock,Damu pevu,Presscott and later on safari sevens. were thara … Problem was that, those fly chiles were bila time for you cuz that time ushashuka from kenya bus No121(To rongai /kiserian ama?)and your clothes were all wrinkled up and you trying to holla at the same chicks with guys who checked in with BMW’S and the works.Maze that was hardknock life!


 its been Close to 10 years now.since those days of that ka life . things have changed alot.. the energy is gone.. now ati we are part of a working nation .. thinking of marrying someones daughter.. .F*&&k*!!! either way I will check in jamhuri dec and I am  hoping to feel it once more .. Dont know if that same feeling will still be there!!

Random manenos …

I’ve been flying quite a bit in the last 4 months of this ka year and there are several things about flying that I really don’t understand.

I obviously (not by choice) fly economy and I get cant wait for that ka time when it’s time to get my free drink and snack. I’ve grown accustomed to flying bootleg airlines like southwest . and jet blue Air, so when I fly on a bonafide airline that actually gives you drinks and snacks without demanding money, it’s a happy day! But why is it that when you ask for a Coke, they open a can and only give you half the coke, saving the rest of it for the next person that asks for Coke? Is it really going to cost them that much more money to give me the whole freaking’ can? And why is it that the flight attendants cop an attitude when you ask for more Coke? If they would just give you the whole can in the first place, no one would ever ask for seconds (or thirds or fourths).

And why is that my seat and tray table must be in the upright position before take-off and landing? Will the plane be thrown off kilter if I’m leaning back and eating Cheddar Chex Mix off my tray? Will we crash into a grassy abyss because 25 of the 172 passengers were leaning back 3 inches further than the rest of the cabin? And why does the window cover need to be open before landing? If the pilot completely misses the runway and instead lands the plane on a ka red necks farm, do I really need to see my last sight of trees and buildings on this dunia?

 to this nyeuthi …. when my flight lasts for more than 2 hours , I board a plane , lean back, close the window, and sleep until the plane lands with a thud !

 No, I don’t want to wait 10 minutes until we’re at cruising altitude to go to sleep, and I don’t want to have to wake up just as we’re beginning our descent. I want to get every last minute of sleep possible swali is when we  are 2o mins from landing in this manenos Why do I have to get up?? If you happen to have a degree in aeronautics or you’re one of those overly made-up flight attendants, please explain this to my  black ass

 You know what I  also  don’t understand? Why is it that during take-off and landing everyone must turn off their electronic equipment? If I have to turn off my phone and laptop , why doesn’t the old ass man in front of me have to turn off his hearing aid? Both are electronic, so why is one acceptable and the other isn’t? You won’t get any reception on your phone when you’re that high in the air and I’m guessing that you won’t have access to the internet either, so what difference does it make? If you ask me for an opinion If an ipod, camera, cell phone, laptop, has the capacity to actually bring down a plane, then it’s time to build a better plane.

in other random manenos.. some weekends ago I went to visit my pal in his digolos .so I check in and I see they flyest old school car in along time .! some serious chevy caprice SS sitting high and looking Fabulous .……now just to give an idea of high this car was sittng … check out that truck on the left.. its already sitting on 20 ‘s and then take a look at this ka chevy caprice the gari practically is at the same sitting hieght….why lie like an ka jinga tourist I could not avoid taking a snap ..Ngai mwathani!…

How bout some old school …who recalls this song by keith sweat- nobody reminds me of one Gladys* back in September 2001 F **&^#@@K!!! maze this chile broke my balls into 16 distinct pieces… mpaka yaani I thought the end of the dunia was apon me.. lakini that was drama 101 . nice memories I must admit …so anyone be near Ripon, North Yorkshire, United Kingdom ebu tell her to listen this manenos ukimwona

btw ….did you jua Making threats across state lines is a federal offense. ? so odhis from  Temple Tx… wacha kuthreaten ex wako out of state ati you will do sijui what … you guy utajipita federalis looking your manenos

Football season karibias….!!

Jamhuri ..flashback so this the year 2002 ,former prezzo is taking uhuru son of Jomo Around jamhuri trying to sell the dude …

Moi :”Nani haba anaweza gusema ati yeye mwenyewe hana uwezo wa gulinda nchi yetu? kama iko mtu ,wega mgono chuu”

Then kidogo he turns to his right and notices his pal uhuru has his hand up ,Moi  is furious ….

 Moi :” Uhuru wega mgono yago chini!”

Back  To present.. NFL… I wanted to talk about Football season .. ook The other day am talking to this  chick we  happened to be catching  pints with  in a local joint   about the  thrills of football  and she goes like  ( Kwanza with that ka nairobi’s chiles atttitude with hand in the air …)  she semas ” I just don’t understand why someone will kimbizana for a stupid ball,bang on each other and carry that heavy chuma for more than an hour! I find it depressing rather than fun”

bana …I dont know how chicks are wired kwa this dunia but  just from  the way she treats football with such contempt  ..  what is a man to do ?  you see this is why one day  you hear that someone was found murdered and no  murder weapon  was found  and unabaki you wonder why  it happened. ……. its futile to attempt to separate a man from his sports and specifically football..  so  later as the evening  progressed  I adviced my pal  try this out( watching a  game ) and she will never forget the thrill and adrelanine rush that comes with watching a touch down…

 So today  was GAME DAY!!!! I tokad jobo in a hurry cuz I  Could not wait to get to fika nyumbanis to get stragetically ready ( grab a cold one + some chakula ) for the pre season game between  Dallas cowboys and if colts !  so mimi huyo  i kamata  traffic nini exit kwa  beer store , ingia  traffic fika  nyumbanis  ! kwisha … am ready and armed ! i call my jamaas for the big preseason .. wapi kila mtu is somewhere else ….. except two nyangaus who hear thar corona iko kwa nyumba…. they check in so fast…… faster than a hoooker is moved around in a buster rymes  video..


..As expected, rookies and reserves dominated the Texas Stadium turf, but Cowboys head coach Wade Phillips accomplished his goals for Thursday’s preseason opener against the Indianapolis Colts. He finally got to evaluate his players in a game situation, and his team played competitively, beating the Super Bowl champions, 23-10 !!  ( morale booster bana!)

kiasi this just a ka nice way to open up the season for fans  even though mambo bado mbali………….! but all the same colts  Balls makendes lalad  flat  kwa texas stadium

 kwanza wade Phillips played his second- and third-team units throughout the second half. Quarterback Tony Romo and most of the starting offense played only two series in the first half. Romo, who played without wide receiver Terry Glenn (knee scope),  ended up giving way to backup Brad Johnson. !( i dont like your game daddy!!)

Nways today was an appertizer of manenos to come !mpaka even our ka new coach   bwana Phillips admits his first game at Texas Stadium, preseason or otherwise, held d some personal significance. becuase today is when we the fans of cowboys actually got to see him manage ama his ka  first demonstration of the stamp he has placed on the franchise. after last seasons  f-up with bill percells… in the playoffs!   that was painful if you recall the big romo  moment  when  this Rookie of Q Back really screwed us up..

coming to think of it ..take a close look at this picture…. tell me isnt that guy  scared??

 Daddy …Hio kukudoa macho am sure ilileta migrane. manzee mpaka pupils zika dialet. lol who knows he must have pee’d on himself kwa uwoga  !

The  truth    is who would not be scared…??  imagine two mean animals  men fully straped with chin pads, rib protectors 14 pound shoulder pads CHARGING on you at approximately 60 MPH and the  animals  men have just charged past the 40th yard line and you know pretty well that they are not comming to say ” HI papi ”  ziii !!!!!their sole intention is to knock the air out of your lungs.  and kwanza when you are caught offguard and when you chungulia via the side of your helmet and you see a 245 lbs mass charging on you only thing you can do is pop your eyes .!!!!

That fear is REAL.

 So  to this   player , in a minute   the whole of  his ka life flashed ahead of his  helmet and he  can only picture himself  with An intra-venous(IV) drip hanging 2 feet above his lower body replenishing fluids lost as result of the rather unfriendly encounter with the 285 pounds. of human flesh in motion.!

sa hizo . when a man is dealing with life and death issues .. all we the fans  worry about is ” ..did he make a touch down ?…” 

lakini si  thats why he has a $ 25 million 4 year deal and  I and you dont have…anything close to that?!

So thats a  pretty tight start  for  This  Pre-season manenos..