Memories of one Jamaa

 Location : Somewhere in Nairobi KE 
When : 1996-2001 AD.
 Music -Soul 90’s: illusion  and  Sit and wait
present :  Kip, Kevo , Kim ,Nicko,Roba

Sijui if this things still happen ama its changed now ..i.e the life of nairobi  The way we used to deal with it kitambos .yaani the things we did would clearly deserve an nobel peace price. for jamaas who had  roots  in nakuru like myself and other intoxicated nairobians ….maze we would shika trips to – Coco Savannah Nakuru @ 7pm . those day there were no accidents on that road then like there are today.

talking of pubs in nairobi and the things we did in those places the likes of Modern Green ju they had 20 bob langas.. then one Afro bar. its was dinghy joint near Jevanjee that never had doors( coz it never closed!!)!! my  buddy.. who was in some famous  school  along  waiyaki way (lol)nairobi was  giving me this saga oof how back then in their school guys used to skive to go to modern green one day boys brought a langa to school at midnight only to be busted at the gate. the ka teacher on duty chukuad the mama and told the boys they have been forgiven. and he preceded to Kula the chick-d himself hukos kwa staffroom.. lol

I remember when mercury and princess were the places to meet guys after 4th. Anyone remembers a bar called Kinangop next to Princess that had bone soup boiled with Warus and pilipili. The concortion was used for killing hangy’s on Sunday and/or Monday Mornings.But I swear if medics studied it further it could probably cure tons of uncurable diseases included Mental retardation and epilepsy!

Florida…F2 !!there was a time you couldn’t go to the loos in F2. oboho’s used to chill in there and chotesha guys. I can show you enough boys who were chotwad when they fikad f2. it didn’t matter if you were wearing fake sneakers. hata fake chains and earrings.the good news was that it It was State of art joint and most convenient heng for people who relied on first Kenya bus 5am to go digs in the morning.( me and other thousands of nairobia jamaas!)

Coming to think of it who will ever forget the grand services of Munyiri’s Fish & chips and Luthuli this joint had the Best chibas to kill a hangi, mafuta was recycled so many times it had no cholesterol left. The chili sauce was so diluted you just used it to cool your chibas . The chibas especially Luthuli ones were mob. !maze!! the only beef is you would not remember where you packed the “racks” kwanza if it 2 am and you are with a bunch of drunk kenyans….

Then one your way to the club there was Kenchic and blueroom   two major kenchics one one kimathi street karibu na tacos.. and one huko in moi avenue  towards  Tsc Building…. .. ukizidi sana you would peleka her  to wimpy and she was yours for keeps!!si this were the Two first places to take a mama and be almost assured she will go pantiless by sunrise the next day…..


now the mutha of all places Nairobi west bars! akina Jeans and their never ending patrons!!.. kwanza the nyamchom was to die for.maze in my ka opinion ..Nairobi West was the coolest joint in nai cuz..

1- Fare CBD was ksh 10/= for 15 years
2- Within proximity of both south c -south b highrise,ngummo via 33’s also proximity to langata .
3- k2 was right there walking distance when you broke also kengeles west.
4- Mats never kosad you chuck from digz at7.30am fika tao by 7.45 a.m even with worst traffic on UH.
5 No 14’s were never hijacked. Queue @Tusker was always without hustle.
5 -You could stay late in CBD and a taxi would be Ksh 250/= at most.
6 -In the early 2000’s you would ride the Karen -langata n KBS metro shuttle which always had some other FLY chilles .The catch was that you had to pay 3 times the kawaida fare ( ksh 30 /=) but the beauty of those girls was worth the 30 bob!
7 – the kinyozis in westy that never closed till 12am .There was one kamba guy called Mutuko, guys would chill for this guy for 2hours just to get their Groove on.

Rugby !!!


 kina damu pevu ,floodies.. Black rock safari sevens  and all the tornas.. yaani everyone attended including those who never knew anything about it..!! Some  pumbavu  soccer fans wondered why the goal posts were different!!!kumbaff!

all in all ..blackrock,Damu pevu,Presscott and later on safari sevens. were thara … Problem was that, those fly chiles were bila time for you cuz that time ushashuka from kenya bus No121(To rongai /kiserian ama?)and your clothes were all wrinkled up and you trying to holla at the same chicks with guys who checked in with BMW’S and the works.Maze that was hardknock life!


 its been Close to 10 years now.since those days of that ka life . things have changed alot.. the energy is gone.. now ati we are part of a working nation .. thinking of marrying someones daughter.. .F*&&k*!!! either way I will check in jamhuri dec and I am  hoping to feel it once more .. Dont know if that same feeling will still be there!!


Random manenos …

I’ve been flying quite a bit in the last 4 months of this ka year and there are several things about flying that I really don’t understand.

I obviously (not by choice) fly economy and I get cant wait for that ka time when it’s time to get my free drink and snack. I’ve grown accustomed to flying bootleg airlines like southwest . and jet blue Air, so when I fly on a bonafide airline that actually gives you drinks and snacks without demanding money, it’s a happy day! But why is it that when you ask for a Coke, they open a can and only give you half the coke, saving the rest of it for the next person that asks for Coke? Is it really going to cost them that much more money to give me the whole freaking’ can? And why is it that the flight attendants cop an attitude when you ask for more Coke? If they would just give you the whole can in the first place, no one would ever ask for seconds (or thirds or fourths).

And why is that my seat and tray table must be in the upright position before take-off and landing? Will the plane be thrown off kilter if I’m leaning back and eating Cheddar Chex Mix off my tray? Will we crash into a grassy abyss because 25 of the 172 passengers were leaning back 3 inches further than the rest of the cabin? And why does the window cover need to be open before landing? If the pilot completely misses the runway and instead lands the plane on a ka red necks farm, do I really need to see my last sight of trees and buildings on this dunia?

 to this nyeuthi …. when my flight lasts for more than 2 hours , I board a plane , lean back, close the window, and sleep until the plane lands with a thud !

 No, I don’t want to wait 10 minutes until we’re at cruising altitude to go to sleep, and I don’t want to have to wake up just as we’re beginning our descent. I want to get every last minute of sleep possible swali is when we  are 2o mins from landing in this manenos Why do I have to get up?? If you happen to have a degree in aeronautics or you’re one of those overly made-up flight attendants, please explain this to my  black ass

 You know what I  also  don’t understand? Why is it that during take-off and landing everyone must turn off their electronic equipment? If I have to turn off my phone and laptop , why doesn’t the old ass man in front of me have to turn off his hearing aid? Both are electronic, so why is one acceptable and the other isn’t? You won’t get any reception on your phone when you’re that high in the air and I’m guessing that you won’t have access to the internet either, so what difference does it make? If you ask me for an opinion If an ipod, camera, cell phone, laptop, has the capacity to actually bring down a plane, then it’s time to build a better plane.

in other random manenos.. some weekends ago I went to visit my pal in his digolos .so I check in and I see they flyest old school car in along time .! some serious chevy caprice SS sitting high and looking Fabulous .……now just to give an idea of high this car was sittng … check out that truck on the left.. its already sitting on 20 ‘s and then take a look at this ka chevy caprice the gari practically is at the same sitting hieght….why lie like an ka jinga tourist I could not avoid taking a snap ..Ngai mwathani!…

How bout some old school …who recalls this song by keith sweat- nobody reminds me of one Gladys* back in September 2001 F **&^#@@K!!! maze this chile broke my balls into 16 distinct pieces… mpaka yaani I thought the end of the dunia was apon me.. lakini that was drama 101 . nice memories I must admit …so anyone be near Ripon, North Yorkshire, United Kingdom ebu tell her to listen this manenos ukimwona

btw ….did you jua Making threats across state lines is a federal offense. ? so odhis from  Temple Tx… wacha kuthreaten ex wako out of state ati you will do sijui what … you guy utajipita federalis looking your manenos

Football season karibias….!!

Jamhuri ..flashback so this the year 2002 ,former prezzo is taking uhuru son of Jomo Around jamhuri trying to sell the dude …

Moi :”Nani haba anaweza gusema ati yeye mwenyewe hana uwezo wa gulinda nchi yetu? kama iko mtu ,wega mgono chuu”

Then kidogo he turns to his right and notices his pal uhuru has his hand up ,Moi  is furious ….

 Moi :” Uhuru wega mgono yago chini!”

Back  To present.. NFL… I wanted to talk about Football season .. ook The other day am talking to this  chick we  happened to be catching  pints with  in a local joint   about the  thrills of football  and she goes like  ( Kwanza with that ka nairobi’s chiles atttitude with hand in the air …)  she semas ” I just don’t understand why someone will kimbizana for a stupid ball,bang on each other and carry that heavy chuma for more than an hour! I find it depressing rather than fun”

bana …I dont know how chicks are wired kwa this dunia but  just from  the way she treats football with such contempt  ..  what is a man to do ?  you see this is why one day  you hear that someone was found murdered and no  murder weapon  was found  and unabaki you wonder why  it happened. ……. its futile to attempt to separate a man from his sports and specifically football..  so  later as the evening  progressed  I adviced my pal  try this out( watching a  game ) and she will never forget the thrill and adrelanine rush that comes with watching a touch down…

 So today  was GAME DAY!!!! I tokad jobo in a hurry cuz I  Could not wait to get to fika nyumbanis to get stragetically ready ( grab a cold one + some chakula ) for the pre season game between  Dallas cowboys and if colts !  so mimi huyo  i kamata  traffic nini exit kwa  beer store , ingia  traffic fika  nyumbanis  ! kwisha … am ready and armed ! i call my jamaas for the big preseason .. wapi kila mtu is somewhere else ….. except two nyangaus who hear thar corona iko kwa nyumba…. they check in so fast…… faster than a hoooker is moved around in a buster rymes  video..


..As expected, rookies and reserves dominated the Texas Stadium turf, but Cowboys head coach Wade Phillips accomplished his goals for Thursday’s preseason opener against the Indianapolis Colts. He finally got to evaluate his players in a game situation, and his team played competitively, beating the Super Bowl champions, 23-10 !!  ( morale booster bana!)

kiasi this just a ka nice way to open up the season for fans  even though mambo bado mbali………….! but all the same colts  Balls makendes lalad  flat  kwa texas stadium

 kwanza wade Phillips played his second- and third-team units throughout the second half. Quarterback Tony Romo and most of the starting offense played only two series in the first half. Romo, who played without wide receiver Terry Glenn (knee scope),  ended up giving way to backup Brad Johnson. !( i dont like your game daddy!!)

Nways today was an appertizer of manenos to come !mpaka even our ka new coach   bwana Phillips admits his first game at Texas Stadium, preseason or otherwise, held d some personal significance. becuase today is when we the fans of cowboys actually got to see him manage ama his ka  first demonstration of the stamp he has placed on the franchise. after last seasons  f-up with bill percells… in the playoffs!   that was painful if you recall the big romo  moment  when  this Rookie of Q Back really screwed us up..

coming to think of it ..take a close look at this picture…. tell me isnt that guy  scared??

 Daddy …Hio kukudoa macho am sure ilileta migrane. manzee mpaka pupils zika dialet. lol who knows he must have pee’d on himself kwa uwoga  !

The  truth    is who would not be scared…??  imagine two mean animals  men fully straped with chin pads, rib protectors 14 pound shoulder pads CHARGING on you at approximately 60 MPH and the  animals  men have just charged past the 40th yard line and you know pretty well that they are not comming to say ” HI papi ”  ziii !!!!!their sole intention is to knock the air out of your lungs.  and kwanza when you are caught offguard and when you chungulia via the side of your helmet and you see a 245 lbs mass charging on you only thing you can do is pop your eyes .!!!!

That fear is REAL.

 So  to this   player , in a minute   the whole of  his ka life flashed ahead of his  helmet and he  can only picture himself  with An intra-venous(IV) drip hanging 2 feet above his lower body replenishing fluids lost as result of the rather unfriendly encounter with the 285 pounds. of human flesh in motion.!

sa hizo . when a man is dealing with life and death issues .. all we the fans  worry about is ” ..did he make a touch down ?…” 

lakini si  thats why he has a $ 25 million 4 year deal and  I and you dont have…anything close to that?!

So thats a  pretty tight start  for  This  Pre-season manenos..

Who moved my cheese

You know procastination is really such an mbaya thing… so I always wanted to buy the book”– who ate moved my cheese-” and every time my  balls makendes think of doing that ,I move either forget or I fika home and the minute I see sports on the TV . That marks the end of anything else… kwanza now that NFL season is around the corner I can’t wait to see how indiana  and the  new england patriots will handle this season. And obviously if Dallas cowboys will make the big come back after getting wade Philips as new coach.  now kesho is the day that ive waited for since end of last season!!!!!  its pre-season  day 1!!!! and  it could not  get better than a game in  town ….Indianapolis Colts vs. Dallas Cowboys 8PM EST 

 kama wewe is an avid football fan like myself .. then ebu grab a sit becuase the season is finally here!!! maze  kwanza kuna the  4 weeks of NFL preseason games that kicked off with the Hall of Fame Game  this past Sunday, August 5th @ Canton, Ohio and which will maliza  with a pair of games on held on Friday, August 31st, 2007

  now my fellow kenyans …After a stellar NFL Draft and lots of off-season moves,  si this year proves to be the craziest season !

Ok back to the issue of the book.  so   after alot of  procrastination I  finally bought the book like 2 weeks ago to be honest.. .This is the smallest book that I’ve ever read. However, it made me to do a lot of inward thinking. The authors have conveyed a ‘heavy concept’ using a ‘light & simple story’. Is a must to read for anyone who thinks that they are contended with their current life/job it’s got a great story and an excellent message that prepares you for change? I loved the simpleness of the story and the underlying lesson. In my opinion who moved my cheese passes for an insightful or meaningful fable and is in itself a damming indictment of the American corporate culture that most of us are buried into and there seems to be no end to the current setup whereby you go to work Monday through Friday working for someone who can do away with you in a stroke of a pen.

One of the most intriguing things that I got from it is that it had a great way to show that getting in a routine can make someone blind to their surrounds and potentially miss parts of their life. The book is very simple, and is great for a basic life lesson, but what I don’t like about the book is that it focuses just on Haw. It answers the questions one may have about someone who is able to see the changes eventually, but the book does not develop Hem, Sniff or Scurry. To me, to be a complete book, the author would develop all four of the characters, because not all people are like Haw. You have your Sniffs and Scurries, people who are able to rush off without thinking, following their feelings and living their life without analyzing and over analyzing every situation. And you have your Hems, people who are so stubborn that they will stick to their ways and refuse to change their lifestyles, no matter what happens…

it successfuly   simplifies how a person can view and react to change in a complex world. for example  Where I work, our department recently reorganized and even though I now report to  out of   state /city Director (Boston MA, after reading this maneno .i  can state with confidence kabisa now that . its no big deal as what’s the use of spending energy complaining  Yes, many of us feel we have no control over the decisions made by corporate management (the Big Cheese so to speak), but does it really matter? Unless management is corrupt (Enron), then why fight for a cause (stopping change) when it’s enevitable. In addition, the only constant in this world is “change”

 while  taking about books which is not one of my strong areas kwa this maisha… how bout some old school sabrina ..

Kiuno Viuno

V …. this one’s  for your   fine Ass… i would like  to see you  break kiuno  down like that ..

I Like Mondays NOT!

I Hate Mondays. And it is my belief that the vast majority of the world hates Mondays too, yet everyone is so faux chipper and happy on Mondays. Have you ever noticed that within 10 minutes of arriving at work at least 3 people will have said, “Hi (insert your name)! How was your weekend?” Why is it that people ALWAYS want to know about your weekend, but no one asks about Wednesday? When you come into work on Thursday no one ever says “Hi! How was your Wednesday?” Yet everyone is interested in your weekend. And when they ask this age old, cliché, slightly rhetorical question, we usually respond with the same old, cliché, slightly rehearsed answers.


“ Oh you know, just kind of took it easy.”

“ It was great! The weather was beautiful!”

Personally, nimechoka  fake ass  people at work asking about my weekend. because I don’t feel it’s genuine. And if it’s not genuine, then why do it? You know deep down that they could really care less about how you spend your free time, but they are programmed to ask and like little robots we are programmed to answer. This got me to thinking; maybe I should conduct an experiment. The next time someone asks “How was your weekend?” tells them how it really was!

John from accounting: Hi kip! How was your weekend?

Kip: It sucked.  some  other ka Chick  was in town so my balls makendes  were grounded from Friday. I wanted to go kamada pints in Addison but bilas ati she has the new recipe she want to try out I am like B)*&^CH! What did you do?

Steve, the guy in the cube next to ops: Hi kip. How was your weekend?   

 Kip: Not too good. My cable got cut off because this job doesn’t pay enough money to make ends meet. I didn’t have money to go out either so I just sat on the couch drinking chai tea until I got sleepy. What did you do? 

 Mike  from downstairs @ IT: Hey Kip! How was your weekend?

Kip: Muthaf*cka please! You know you don’t give a damn about how my weekend was! I don’t have time for this. I got an hangover to nurse!  Kwanza my weekend….was too much  So I amuad to record it on my cheap ass phone’s-video Thingie.. ( F?%^$)  yeah it ended  with my balls makendes deciding making an impromptu  drive to  houston to  go see some friend who had just fikad hukus from jamhuri … like 1 week ago … this is  how  it was on the way hukos   on the  highway…with some 90’s  song – “get it on tonite”


Tupac (RIP) Always makes my day with   some old school rap….as I sat  below in the ka rain and traffic…  so .. if you have the balls to tell your boss /colleagues the truth of your weekend basi jienjoy ama you simply stick to the plastic /preprogrammed responses that    I will give steve ama john ama anyone… who does not need to know  that I was  nearly  involved in a bar fight @ 4 am sunday morning .. all in the name of Male ego’s running amock..

Finally Fixed …

last week my balls  makendes were in afix . I could not access jobo ‘s network from nyumbanis ,posted  hapas as the fight of my life  nways   after soliciting help from many unknown places like an MP in koinange street I finally decide to go see what the fala wise guys in IT had to say..

So ,Those IT guys uninstalled the drivers for the Router and then restored the IPs That I had mixed up and then in the process of doing so many other trial and error things it appears I configured the settings for SSL 2.0, TLS 1.0, PCT and the likes ,Wrong .such that when the weblifyer connected to the citrix portal. It was interpreted by the security configuration of the VPN to come from an unsecured network despite using the right password and user name .Finally After several attempts, some tool called P-synch (whatever that is ) locked out my network assigned/generated IP.

  Then also they went to the system Logs and the real cause of this problem was registered as—- “IP could not open the registry key for adapter TCPIP\Parameters\Adapters\NDISWANIP. Interfaces on this adapter will not be initialized” ——and the cause of this ati a registry key required for the TCP/IP configuration was missing so they decided to, remove and then reinstall the TCP/IP protocol.

  Another problem they claimed that I  letad  was that when I tried tunneling through HTTP instead of HTTPS , the server took it as an potential attack on the server Depending on the sensitivity of the resources that the user can access or are allowed to access, the server does not allow one to use insecure mode for a browsers that don’t support HTTPS or not configured to Default to HTTPS .  now about the port mapping. I got it all screwed the thing is that the machine is loaded with app tunnels that were designed to let me( the user) access TCP/IP client server applications that would normally not be accessible outside the ka Firewall. Now me and my curious self I messed with the AppTunnels that were originally set and predetermined.

what I was actually supposed to have done was  to map the app tunnels first and then create one for each set of TCP/IP ports that I needed to forward through the server . and I understand in most cases the creator of the software installed in the comp was/is supposed to tell you what TCP/IP ports the program uses and , if there is none preset ( e.g. my routers lack of pre-programmed ports) there Is way to do it by the system admin …so according to those guys . I should not have even touched the ports at all! Because they are configured by the admin Administrator. Even though I still am be able to configure others my self…

phew  at least I can now troubleshoot this thing incase it brings issues in the future .

 hmmm ngoja kwanza ..Now this week  my battle is with the US goverment’s  Social security offfices  sqaurely  even if it means blood been spilt ….mungiki stlye  ( beheading et al ).

so juzis me and my balls  makendes go replace my SSN card and i dont know why they decide to hook me up with one with some big ass words printed : ” Valid for work only with INS authorization ” …

I know am an immigrant  hiyo sikataiiii …..But… such small things really make immigrants mad. and you dont want an angry  nyeuthi  in your offices.!si ujust give me one bila maneno mob like this ..

while at it,this song  brings back  the  memories of the   nightlife  in  nairobi.The club/pub  hopping ,The stealing of zaks gari at the dead of night , javeing on Kboo ,The seasons moments ,the green corner moments , The chiles at “box”  @ UON  hostels  …I cant wait to fika jamhuri in december !!!!